CXXVII

THESE AMATEUR VIDEOS
ARE A DIARY OF ALZHEIMER DISEASE
AN ALZHEIMER PATIENT'S DIARY
IT'S EXTREMELY INTERESTING
HOW IT DEVELOPS THE ALZHEIMER DISEASE

AT THE RECENT STAGE OF IT I AM IN
THE FOLLOWING SYNDROME APPEARS
I CAN HARDLY TELL THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN SPEAKING AND WRITING AND THINKING

I CANNOT REALLY DIFFER IF I SPEAK OR WRITE
WHEN I THINK I THINK THAT I SPEAK
SO NEXT TIME I DON'T WANT TO REPEAT MYSELF
BUT I NEVER SPOKE IT OUT YET
IT WAS ONLY A THOUGHT

THE THREE WAYS OF EXPRESSIONS I'M MIXING UP
THE TWO WAYS OF EXPRESSION AND THE THOUGHT
THE THOUGHT IS NOT EXPRESSION
WRITING, SPEAKING ARE THE EXPRESSIONS OF THE THOUGHT
BUT I CANNOT DIFFER MY THOUGHTS ANY MORE
FROM THE EXPRESSION OF IT

THAT'S THE STAGE OF MY ALZHEIMER DISEASE AT THIS POINT
DOCTOR DOCTOR  EY HUA

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IT'S A VERY FUNNY FUNNY SICKNESS
WOULDN'T CHANGE IT FOR ANYTHING
IF I HAD TO CHOOSE A SICKNESS  THIS IS IT
THIS IS VERY INTERESTING, VERY ENTERTAINING
AND MAYBE EVEN USEFUL
MAYBE I CAN FORGET THINGS
THAT'S WHAT I HOPE IN
MAYBE IT HELPS ME
TO FORGET THINGS WHAT I ARTIFICIALLY CANNOT DO

BECAUSE IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO FORGET
ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE THINKING OF IT
THIS THING I WANT TO FORGET
AND THEN CERTAINLY YOU CANNOT
YOU FOCUS ON IT SO MUCH
I WANT TO FORGET THIS - YOU WILL NEVER FORGET IT
IF YOU'RE CONSCIOUS OF WANTING TO FORGET IT YOU CANNOT

SO DON'T BE CONSCIOUS OF IT
TRY TO BE VERY SLY WITH IGNORANCE
WHEN YOU STRIVE FOR OBLIVION

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AN OTHER TRICK IS OF COURSE
TO SPEAK IT OUT OR WRITE IT DOWN
WHAT YOU WANT TO FORGET
JUST DON'T THINK OF IT: I WANT TO FORGET IT
I DON'T WANT TO WRITE IT DOWN, I DON'T WANT TO SPEAK IT OUT
JUST WANT TO FORGET IT
DON'T DO THAT, NO
YOU WILL NEVER FORGET IT
IF YOU EXPRESS IT THEN YOU HAVE A CHANCE

WHAT'S SPOKEN OUT OR WRITTEN DOWN
IT'S LIKE ERASED - IT'S NOT ANY MORE IN THE MEMORY

SO ART IS A BLESSING - BUT IT'S A BLESSING FOR THE DAMNED
IT LOOKS LIKE A MUCH MORE FUNCTIONAL AND USEFUL EXISTENCE
IF YOU'RE CREATIVE
BUT IF YOU DON'T PUT IT IN THE SERVICE OF THE PEOPLE
THEN IT'S NOT SATISFYING
ONLY THOSE ARTISTS ARE SATISFIED
THAT ARE CONTRIBUTING TO THE WELFARE OF THE PEOPLE

DOOMED ARE THOSE ARTISTS THAT CANNOT COMMUNICATE WITH THE PUBLIC
I AM THAT DOOMED ARTIST
I NEVER COULD DO ANYTHING FOR ANYONE
I NEVER HAD THE CHANCE TO HELP ANYONE

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I DON'T KNOW IF I'M RECORDING OR NOT
FORGET EVERYTHING
I FORGET THAT I'M HERE
I FORGET THAT I'M ON THE CAMERA
I FORGET TO BREATHE
BUT CANNOT STOP THINKING

AND MY THOUGHTS ARE SO MISERABLE
AS MY REALITY CAN BE

I'M THINKING ABOUT MY REALITY ALL THE TIME
I CANNOT LEARN - I CANNOT FANTASIZE
I'M THINKING ABOUT MY REALITY ALL THE TIME
THAT'S IN MY HEAD  AND ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE

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MY FICTION IS IN MY DRAWER
I KEEP MY FICTION IN A DRAWER
HOW CAN YOU PUT A WHOLE CITY IN A DRAWER - THAT'S HOW
NEW JERUSALEM IS IN MY DRAWER

MAYBE IT'S AN ALTERNATIVE ONLY
OR JUST AN IMAGINATION
BUT I KNOW HOW TO PUT A WHOLE CITY IN A DRAWER
AND THAT IS MAGIC - THE MAGIC OF EXPRESSION

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THE FIRE IS BURNING ON THE TELEVISION
THERE IS A  CHANNEL OF 24 HOURS FIREPLACE
THE ELECTRIC FIRE ON TELEVISION IS BURNING BESIDE ME
WHILST I'M ON THE FLOOR

AND I'M TRYING TO SPEAK
THAT I DON'T HAVE TO THINK
I HAVE TO SPEAK TO STOP ME THINKING

THE PERFECT UNCERTAINTY ABOUT WHO YOU ARE
NOT A GUESS - NOT A SINGLE GUESS
I THINK EVERY DAY, EVERY MINUTE PRACTICALLY SOMETHING ELSE
I PRESUME THIS - I PRESUME THAT
AND FINALLY I'M JUST NOTHING
THE NOBODY  THE NOBODY
I IMPERSONIFY THE NOBODY

HOW DOES IT FEEL
YOU MAY ASK HOW DOES IT FEEL
TO BE COMPLETELY UNKNOWN, UNSEEN
I NEVER HAD A JOB - NEVER IN MY LIFE I HAD A JOB
OR HAVE EVER PUBLISHED OR RELEASED ANYTHING
OF MY ART WORKS - ART WORKS OOOH

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WHEN YOU SPEAK YOU FOCUS ON BEING HEARD AND UNDERSTOOD
YOU FOCUS ON ARTICULATION
EVEN IF IT'S WRONG YOUR ARTICULATION BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT ENGLISH
EVEN THEN YOU FOCUS ON IT
THAT KEEPS THE THOUGHT AWAY
YOU SAY WHAT YOU HAD ON YOUR MIND

HONEST MEN DON'T REALLY THINK WHEN THEY SPEAK
THEY KNOW WHAT THEY THINK
I ALWAYS HAVE TO THINK OF WHAT I ACTUALLY WANNA SAY
BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW
I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM 
AND I ABSOLUTELY DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANNA SAY
THESE TWO THINGS I DON'T KNOW

I'M A SOCIALIST BY IDEOLOGY
BUT A PERFECT ASOCIALIST IN MY PRIVATE LIFE
I'M NOT WHAT I'M SAYING I AM
I'M LYING SOMETHING
BUT I USUALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT I SHOULD
WHAT SHOULD I LIE NOW
WHO SAYS WHAT - WHO THINKS WHAT

THE CONCEPT OF "I" GOT ERASED DURING THE PROCESS
TO LOSE YOUR I  THE SINGULAR FIRST PERSON
IS NOT AN ENLIGHTENED STATE
IT'S RATHER THE TOTAL DARKNESS
IT'S A TOTAL ENDARKENMENT

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THIS IS A FLOATING EXERCISE
WE CALL THIS FLOATING
YOU JUST FOLD THE ARMS BEHIND THE HEAD
PRESSING IT TO THE HEAD
AND STAND AS ERECT AS POSSIBLE
AND BEND YOUR HEAD BACK LIKE LYING ON YOUR ARMS
AND IT IS LIKE LYING ON THE AIR
A VERTICAL LYING POSITION
ALIEN YOGA IS BASED ON VERTICALITY EXPERIENCES

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MY PAST IS DARK  MY FUTURE IS DARK
AND MY PRESENT - MY PRESENT IS THE DARKEST
IT'S ALWAYS BEEN
IN THE BARDO  IN THE BARDO
I WAS BORN IN THE BARDO
I'M GROWING UP IN THE BARDO
I'VE NEVER BEEN ANYWHERE ELSE

I'VE NEVER BEEN TO IBIZA
I'VE NEVER BEEN TO MALIBU
I'VE NEVER BEEN TO KATMANDU
I'VE NEVER BEEN ANYWHERE OUTSIDE MY BODY
MY BODY IN THE BARDO  MY BODY IN THE BARDO
WATCHING THE WORLD ON TELEVISION
WATCHING THE TELEVISION IN THE BARDO

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SPIONS WAS A POLITICAL
POLITICALLY MOTIVATED ROCK BAND
AS POLITICALLY MOTIVATED AS CRASS REALLY
WE WERE LIKE CRASS
MIXTURE OF CRASS AND SKREWDRIVER
THAT'S WHAT WE WERE EXACTLY
WE WERE THE GREAT MIDDLE - THE GREAT FUSION
OF LEFT AND RIGHT

OVERNATIONAL SOCIALISM HAS ALWAYS BEEN
IT'S NOT AGAINST EITHER
IT IS A FUSION OF BOTH - THE BEST PARTS OF BOTH
WE DON'T ROCK AGAINST FASCISM, WE DON'T ROCK AGAINST COMMUNISM
WE ROCK FOR BOTH OF THEM
THAT WAS THE IDEOLOGY OF SPIONS

I TOLD IT TO MALCOLM McLAREN
WE UNITE THE FORCES
THAT'S WHAT WE WANT - WE WANT A THIRD WAY, I TOLD
UNITE THE FORCES OF LEFT AND RIGHT
FROM THE EXTREMES - EXTREME RIGHT, EXTREME LEFT
FUSE THEM AND CREATE A NUCLEAR UNIT OF THE THIRD WAY
THAT CAN ROCKET US OUT

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THE SALUTE MEANT UNIFICATION
JUST AN EXTENSION OF THE RIGHT WING SALUTE
DOESN'T HAVE LEFTIST CONNOTATION
YOU CAN DO IT WITH THE LEFT ARM OF COURSE
THAT'S LEFTIST ENOUGH

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I WANT TO PLEASE
THAT'S MY PROBLEM WITH COMMUNICATION
I WANT TO PLEASE MY PARTNER
I DON'T WANT TO CONTRADICT IT
I WANT TO SAY WHAT IT WANTS TO HEAR
I JUST CANNOT SAY ANYTHING SINCERELY
I JUST WANT TO PLEASE
IT'S A DAMNED CURSE - ONE OF THE WORST ONES

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HELLO  HELLO
LIVING IN A DREAM STATE - LIKE ABORIGINS
I'M GROWN DOWN TO THE ABORIGINAL DREAM STATE
PERMANENT PANIC  NO FUN  ULTIMATE FEAR
I FEEL MYSELF SO BAD
I BELIEVE I'M DISCONNECTED

I'M CONNECTED WITH OSH
OSH IS NOTHING, DOESN'T MEAN A FUCKING THING
DOESN'T HELP, DOESN'T PROTECT ME
PERFECTLY SUPERFLUOUS ENTITY

HE IS PLAYING WITH ME, THAT'S HIS FUNCTION
PUTTING UP DIFFERENT RIDDLES TO SOLVE
NEW RIDDLES TO SOLVE

IT'S A SCIENTIFIC EXPERIMENT OSH
AND THE ARTS OF COURSE - ART AND SCIENCE
THAT'S WHAT OSH PRESIDES OVER

ONLY ATHEISM - ALWAYS ONLY ATHEISM
HELPED YOU TO EVOLVE
EVEN IF IT WAS JUST CHANGING TO ANOTHER GOD
TREASON IS THE DRIVING FORCE
EVERY NEW FAITH IS TREASON
WE'RE ON THE ROAD OF TRAITORS

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WE'VE REACHED THE ZERO POINT, MY DEAR
THIS IS THE POINT ZERO - THE POINT ZERO YOU ARE
FROM HERE IT'S RISE OR FALL
NOW YOU HAVE TO DECIDE
DO YOU WANNA RISE OR DO YOU WANNA FALL
DO YOU WANNA LIVE OR DO YOU WANNA DIE


IT'S NOT AN EASY QUESTION?
IT'S NOT AN EASY QUESTION
MISERY AND MALADY AND MADNESS ARE DESTROYING ME
I'M AT THE ZERO POINT
THE BODY OF ROTTING TIME
AND I CAN'T STAND ON MY FEET
SHOOT UP WHEN I CAN'T STAND ON MY FEET
HOW YOU IMAGINE THIS
IT'S A SUPERHUMAN EXPECTATION

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THIS IS VITAL REMAINS
THIS IS THE GUY THAT LEADS THE NEW SATANIST TEMPLE
THE ALTERNATIVE TO THE OLD ONE
THAT'S A NEW BRANCH - IT'S PLACED IN NEW YORK
LaVEY REMAINS THE PROPHET - IT'S LIKE MARX FOR COMMUNISTS
LaVEY IS THE SATANIST PROPHET
BUT THEY DISAGREE WITH THE DOINGS OF THE CHURCH

ANYWAY IT'S AN ALTERNATIVE
AND I THINK IT'S VERY GAY CENTERED
SATANISM HAS ALWAYS BEEN VERY GAY-CENTERED, RIGHT
IT'S AUTOMATICAL

THEY RAISED THIS BAPHOMET STATUE
IT'S UNVEILED - AT A SECRET LOCATION BUT IT'S UNVEILED
FOR ABOUT A HUNDRED PEOPLE GONE TO THE CEREMONY

AND THERE IS ALSO A FOOTAGE ABOUT IT
TWO GAYS ARE VERY BADLY UNVEILING THE SCULPTURE
VERY VIOLENT - ABSOLUTELY STYLELESS
NOT ELEGANT AT ALL
BAPHOMET WOULD HAVE DESERVED A CEREMONIAL DISCLOSURE
BUT THIS WAS LIKE TORE OFF THE COVER OF IT
JUST TORE IT OFF WILDLY

CERTAINLY IT'S VERY TENDENTIOUS
BUT I'M NOT AGREED AT ALL
IT WAS UGLY
AND THE TWO GUYS WERE VERY BLOODY UGLY
AND THEN THEY KISSED BEFORE THE SCULPTURE

THAT WAS A HUGE HUGE HUGE SATANIC BLASPHEMIC ACTION
AND ALL THE CHURCHES PROTESTING AGAINST IT
LIKE OLD BLACK LADIES ARE HITTING THEIR HEAD TO THE ASPHALT
IN PROTEST OF SATAN COMING TO TOWN

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OSH REPLACES COMPLETELY THE PRAYER FACTOR
YOU DON'T HAVE TO PRAY ANY MORE
THAT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF OSH
THE PRAYER IS ERASED

THIS PRAYER OF FIVE TIMES A DAY
WHAT OBAMA DOES

THE PROBLEM WITH OBAMA IS
THAT MAYBE HE'S A CLOSET SATANIST
BUT HE DEFINITELY ISN'T AN ATHEIST

HE BELIEVES IN ALL THE GODS
IT'S NOT REALLY THE SAME AS OSH
THE IMPORTANT IS THAT ON THE TOP OF ALL
YOU ARE OBLIGED TO BELIEVE IN NONE
AND OBAMA DOESN'T BELIEVE IN NONE
I DON'T THINK HE EVEN KNOWS ABOUT IT

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UNCLE - I DON'T WANT TO COMPARE IT TO OBAMA
BUT MANY PEOPLE DO SO  WHY I SHOULDN'T
UNCLE WAS AN ATHEIST
HE BELIEVED THAT HE IS UNDER PROTECTION 
WITH EVERY REASON - BUT IT WAS STILL A DISBELIEF
IT WASN'T TO BELIEVE IN A PARTICULAR GOD
OBVIOUSLY NOT IN SOMEONE LIKE JEHOVAH

OH THE NORDIC  GODS - HE BELIEVED IN THE NORDIC GODS
BELIEVED IN THE NORDIC GODS, YES
NNA, THAT'S THE CLOSEST TO OSH
TO BELIEVE IN A NON-EXISTING PAGAN WORLD
IT'S TOTAL TREASON TO THE PRESENT